My whole life, I've been writing my story,
a book that has helped me understand my reality in a life of illusions. Imagine growing up in a scary funhouse where everyone else seems fine or having fun, but you never feel safe or cared for. People act like they love you, but their behavior includes elements of hate, deep criticism, and competition.
Unpredictable behavior is a reality for abuse victims, no matter how hard one tries to comply in ways they believe won’t trigger an abuser; there is no way of knowing what will result in metaphorically kicking a hornet’s nest and having to endure the inevitable wrath in the aftermath of the narcissistically abusive response from which one cannot easily escape.
My writing is a gift from God, something that has organically helped me articulate my experiences when I was forced into a silence that hid my reality while allowing my abusers to shine.
You could point out that I allowed it and stayed even though I had the free will to leave. Abuse not only tricks the world with illusion, but it also deceives those on the inside, primarily the victim. Those being manipulated by abusers begin to believe they are burdensome and not as valuable as others, because that is how they are treated by the abuser and the loyal group of flying monkeys who are buying into the charade over reality.
It is easier for everyone to believe the lies rather than using one’s mind and admit the degree of darkness that surrounds abusive relationships that most people deny.
People-pleasing replaces any confidence that may have existed, as the victim begins a lifestyle of perpetually serving someone who does not value them and acts in cruel, inhumane ways that the victim eventually believes they deserve.
Abusers manipulate the emotions of the sensitive empath to get them to have unacceptable responses to the abuse in places where others can see and validate the abuser’s lies that the victim is crazy, unstable, too needy, a social wart, or whatever they do to taint the image of the victim from the world, so that the painful manipulation may remain in place.
Victims believe the lies that are presented in “good” times while overlooking the very painful experience of never feeling safe in a relationship. Victims are trauma-bonded to abusers; they are willing to change anything if they could just get the love that the abuser pretends to have.
Narcissists do not love; it is all an act that is used as part of the manipulation tactics that ruin people’s lives. Victims are convinced they have what it takes, and if they could just make the remaining changes necessary, they could experience the feel-good parts of being in a relationship.
The abuser knows the naive victim is trusting because they are honest and that they don’t suspect the truth. Abusers take complete advantage of the recurring forgiveness and kindness until the victims ultimately die off. The abuser discards what’s left, gathers the support of the people who have been fed a lying narrative for years, and carries on slandering the victim until they find a new source of narcissistic feed.
Narcissists do not have hearts, and so they easily break people who one would never imagine anyone could hurt, like one’s child, one’s parent, or even one’s parishioner.
Abusers will go to counseling, they even apologize, quote scripture, and promise to change. They may act as if they are matching the victim in an effort to grow, but in reality, abusers are mocking the person they are manipulating for fun. This person is abandoning themselves in the hope of being treated better.
Narcissists have no respect for themselves, and certainly not for the victim that they trample over innocence to use for self-satisfaction. Nevertheless, the victim remains hopeful. They pursue the desires of their captor until they are depleted and have to depart to continue living.
It is devastating to have to abandon years of dedication. Victims give all they have but never get what they are working for because of the lies, gaslighting, and manipulation that go on in narcissistically abusive environments.
The entire situation is an illusion, but it is also fatal, as we all know. Victims know something isn’t right, but with the sensitive heart God gave them, reality never crosses their mind. The victims believe who the abuser presents themselves as because the empath would never pretend to be someone they are not, which is why they are abused.
The more the participants are willing to play the game and keep up the charade, the better accepted they are by the abusive leadership, and that feels better than being at the bottom like the scapegoat. Participants save themselves rather than stand up for righteousness, no matter how dark it becomes. They have enough fear of what they might face so they cowardly go along with the abuse, so they don’t get hurt.
Other people are not as honest as empaths, and empaths cannot imagine such deceit. The innocence of the empath brings great light into the world, but the devil sends people to put it out, and that is what we know as narcissistic abuse.
I'm still working through my manuscript with my publisher, and I will continue sharing what I know here so people aren't delayed in healing because of the obstacles involved in writing a book.
For updates on my upcoming book, The Bible on Narcissistic Abuse, and to see my other titles, please stay in touch at https://charlottessoul.com/
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