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The Pampered Chef vs. The Engineer

By | Charlotte's Blog | No Comments

The Pampered Chef vs. The Engineer - A Story of Form vs. FunctionA Story of Form vs. Function

My former father-in-law was an engineer and I never really understood him until I remarried an engineer of my own. I am of the brain-set that coloring within the lines ruins the masterpiece. Being married to an engineer (who loves me just the way I am) has opened my eyes to the mind of a man I once loved so much and sadly lost touch with in my divorce.

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Help My Unbelief

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Family vacation to Europe

If you knew how anxious I have been about my impending European vacation with 4 of our 8 children, you’d be like, wait a minute, really?

God was the only one in the room when they shut the vault and filled me with radiation. Others were there but only watching from the camera that connected the rooms, but God was enough.

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He Saved Me!

By | Charlotte's Blog | No Comments

He saved me!Recently an acquaintance saw how happy I am.

She suggested that my new husband, Bryan, saved me. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I was saved way before I met Bryan. My salvation came during very dark, lonely, agonizing days in my first marriage. Looking back, I know God allowed this dark time to be the means to an end. God wanted me to reach out to Him for His saving grace. Even after my salvation, I prayed hard and fervently for God to fix my marriage. But, God did not change my circumstances. Instead, He revealed to me that He’s with me in every storm I face.

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Be Bold Like A Child

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I believe the world is lacking greatness because of the limitations we allow others to prophesy over our lives.What is Holding you Back from Pursuing Your Dreams?”

It is my firm belief that God has designed a vision for your life that lives in your soul. It reveals itself as a desire, a hope or a dream. Many children are bold and confident about their vision. They state:

“I’m going to be a firefighter”
“I’m going to be president.”
“I’m going to be a singer.”
Or, “I’m going to be a ballerina.”

All too often, their dreams get interrupted with practical statements from loved ones, bullying proclamations from peers, or the whisper of the devil himself who says, “you don’t really think you can…”

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We Fear Things We Don’t Understand, and We Judge the Things We Fear

By | Charlotte's Blog, homosexuality | One Comment

We fear things we don't understand and we judge the things we fear.

One thing I have learned recently is that we fear things we don’t understand, and we judge the things we fear.

When I heard that statement, it resonated with me.
Times are rapidly changing. The topic of homosexuality has caused great fear in the hearts and minds of many fundamental Christians. The fearful response has sinfully replaced the faithful response which otherwise says in

1Peter 4:8, “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.”

In my opinion, this delights the devil. Consequently, the church steadily drives many people away from Christ through die-hard judgement of issues like divorce and homosexuality.

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A Sincere Apology

By | Charlotte's Blog | No Comments

I refuse to discriminate against anyone because they are gay. https://charlottessoul.com/apologyYou will not agree with me on everything I have to say about homosexuality.

I find Christians are starving for someone like me to speak up. I know the Word of God. I live a life dedicated to the one who saved me, namely Jesus. I feel prompted to come forward and announce:

“I refuse to discriminate against anyone because they are gay.”

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She Calls Me Rachel

By | Charlotte's Blog, Emotional Abuse | One Comment

after years of being a Leah, I was indeed Rachel.She’s one of the wiser, matriarchs in my new church. Every time I see Linda, she makes a conscious effort to get my name right. But she has a mental block and continually says, “Rachel, right?”

She’s not short on memory, even though I gently remind her each time, “No, my name is Charlotte.” Then I ask, “May I share a story with you?”

We sat down in the pew. I began to tell her what the story of Rachel and Leah, from Genesis 29, has meant to me for years. Linda was familiar with the story. Her eyes filled with tears as soon as she realized how God was using her.

I will take a moment and share for those of you who may not be familiar with the story of Jacob’s two wives. You may find yourself with tears in your eyes, too.

This is how I tell it. Please refer to Genesis 29 for accuracy.

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Desperate Desire to Heal

By | Charlotte's Blog, Emotional Abuse | No Comments

I had a desperate desire to heal and leave it all behind me. ~ Charlotte Chaney https://charlottessoul.comTriggers of Pain, Human Response and God’s Grace, Mercy and Promises

I suffered emotional abuse for nearly 28 years.

It is hard for me to fathom today. I am sharing a journal entry written after I fled the toxic environment. I cried out to God for healing and forgiveness of my soul. I see now, less than two years later, how His provision surpassed anything I could have imagined.

The torment associated with loss and rejection was unbearable. I had a desperate desire to heal and leave it all behind me. I look back from a new place, where those feelings and reactions to triggers are a distant memory. I stand in awe of God and what He has done in spite of me. I praise God from my core and believe he keeps His promises.

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Passive Aggression: The Isolating of Your Soul

By | Charlotte's Blog, Emotional Abuse | No Comments

I allowed my husband's authority, his lack of respect for my uniqueness and my longing to be accepted to damage the foundation of who I was designed to be. - Charlotte Chaney #https://charlottessoul.comEmotional abuse has many facets. Passive aggression is a primary weapon.

When someone knows in their gut that something is wrong, yet they are made to feel foolish when questioning the situation, they are likely facing passive aggression.
Two Signs of Passive Aggression

  1. If someone in your life does not validate your feelings, that is wrong! Feelings are not facts – but feelings are valid.
  2. Often one partner will begin to ostracize another from family and friends. Long term this slowly damages long-term relationships.
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Emotional Abuse: Are You Empowering Someone Who Loves Power?

By | Charlotte's Blog, Emotional Abuse | One Comment

Many of us step from our insecurities into a “safe” environment with someone whom we hope will satisfy our deep longings.

We feel we have finally found the person who will be the cure-all for our hidden wounds.

We find ourselves empowering someone who loves power.

We lose ourselves in the illusion of their strength and the pretense of their care.

We are much stronger than we know, and they are far more insecure than we realize.

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Stepping Into the Vast Unknown

By | Charlotte's Blog | No Comments

Whatever the future held, I was going to be free! #https://charlottessoul.com #CharlottesSoulThe day I signed a one-year lease to rent a condo,

after 22 years of fighting for my marriage, marked the first step I took towards actively caring for my emotions. It is astounding now, to look back, I realize how beaten down I was. I can’t imagine the courage and the faith I had, to step into an unknown future. All I knew was I could not take another lap around the cycle of emotional abuse and whatever the future held I was going to be free. As much as it would hurt to divide our family of six, staying and continuing the lie, was not just killing me, but it meant modeling abusive behavior. I was paving the road for future generations. I wanted more for my daughter in laws. I made a move for them as much as for myself.

Two years later, I assess where I am, the quality of my life and the breadth of my witness. I remarried a man of God who treasures me, models for my children how to love and care for a woman while being every bit of a strong, decisive leader. God planted me in a new town, where I have a vibrant social life, an incredible church, new family, and friends surround me.

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The Ants Go Marching In

By | Charlotte's Blog | 6 Comments

My departure would mean the end of a dream. Today I am going to share a glimpse of how my life was, as I struggled to decide whether to leave the emotional abuse in my former home.

My departure would mean the end of a dream.

It would mean the disintegration of my intact family, which I had poured my heart into for 22 years. I faced the uncertainty of not knowing if by leaving, I was stepping out of God’s will. I knew divorce would lead to the inevitable demotion from any church leadership with which I was involved.

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Beaten with Flowers

By | Charlotte's Blog | 2 Comments

Sometimes, recognizing the passive-aggressive manipulation, can take a life time.

This week I have decided to share a journal entry written the summer after I first moved out of my marital home. That summer, before I met my new husband, was a time when I regularly processed many things through the gift God gave me in writing. What I went through is not unique, but my faith and resilience are evident, as they were in “Heartbeats for Cancer.”

I intend to share more of this journey and how it felt to break free from emotional abuse, despite the urging of the church to stay in my toxic marriage. What I experienced is all too common. It is a darkness that needs to be exposed to support other abuse victims and their families, especially in the church. Many people stay under the misunderstanding that it is God’s will to uphold the institution of marriage despite the brutality pointed towards their soul.

13 But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible,
14 for anything that becomes visible is light. Ephesians 5:13

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Being Prepared Emotionally for The Unexpected

By | Charlotte's Blog, Personal Growth | No Comments

Being Prepared Emotionally for The Unexpected - https://charlottessoul.com

Imagine someone crashes into your car while you are at a stop light.

Worse yet, you hadn’t taken the time to put on your seatbelt. What could have been a fender bender becomes that, plus bruises, cuts, and broken ribs? All because you didn’t prepare for the unexpected.

What about having your life in a steady state of chaos when you get the news that your child has cancer? Taking simple steps can prepare you for life’s unexpected events. It will not prevent things from happening, but can certainly equip us to overcome the unexpected.

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Which Part of Me Felt That? Which Part of Me Didn’t?

By | Charlotte's Blog, Personal Growth | No Comments

In my meditation class we were presented with an example of breaking pain into pieces.Many of you know what it means to experience emotional paralysis.

Paralyze as defined by Dictionary.com is: “to bring to a condition of helpless stoppage, inactivity, or inability to act:”

Over the past few years, I have encountered painful truths that I never envisioned I’d face in my prayer-infused, faith-based bubble. Traumatized, describes my soul when I came face to face with the unfathomable duplicity that existed in my home.

Throughout my emotional recovery, I have gained incredible tools. I trust I can offer fresh ideas for your journey as well.

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