Trauma survivors need a lot of space without feeling abandoned. It’s a fine line for those willing to love the crazy out of us.
We have special needs because our heart and soul were tenderized by narcissistic abuse. We became weak and dependent on someone ordained to care for us but who toiled with our unsuspecting minds for personal gain.
When Bryan and I began life together, he made adjustments to his lifestyle to accommodate the issues (ADHD, depression, anxiety, suicidal ideologies, self-loathing, deep insecurity)I accumulated in decades of mental abuse and emotional neglect. I was so used to people trying to get away from my highlighted imperfections. He was the first person since high school who loved all of me.
The term he used to help me settle down from the chaos my trauma invited was, “That’s the cost of doing business with Charlotte.”
He never tried to change me; he just changed so I would feel loved.
The trauma of having my former abusive family system pry us apart so they could pour poison on our fledging marriage was one rock bottom. I still gave them the benefit of the doubt. The final crash that removed the mask forever was when one parent lied to me so I'd abandon the healthy decisions Bryan and I implemented for our family. The crash was the lowest I have ever fallen, I was immersed in years of care before sharing.
I had to accept that I meant nothing to my parent outside of money he always preferred to me.
Abuse victims require denial for survival. Reality is not something anyone could survive, so we make up fantasies and piece pictures together to hide our loneliness.
I never expected my brain to heal. I did not realize people were intentionally traumatizing me so that they could control my life. I know it now.
I have been born again and have a new family.
For updates on my upcoming book Spoiled, Rotten, Rich, Kid: A Different Kind of Trauma and to see my other books, please stay in touch at https://charlottessoul.com/
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