I used to attend writer’s conferences and see women whose husbands were invested in them; I knew no one was invested in me. I was so lonely.
I never thought my day would come; I was wrong.
My last writer’s conference was in 2013. I spent a memorable week with a small group of writers studying under @jerrybjenkins in Colorado.
I told my husband at the time that I was going to send myself flowers to enjoy the week and to celebrate what I was doing.
He said, “Don’t,” he would send me flowers.
Each day, I looked with anticipation, hoping they would arrive, but the week went on, and each day was a reminder I would not be celebrated.
Leading me to believe I would receive something I longed for and then withholding it and calling me too sensitive when I hurt was one way I was abused.
I was trying so hard to be a godly wife, but I was not seeking God with my whole heart. I have learned in my 27 years of following Him that He wants us to know Him and His love. He does not desire us to stay in abusive marriages.
I did not seek His wisdom; rather, I worked for love, which made me repulsive to my abuser. I couldn’t see I was not loved or adored until I spent time with God to know what that looks like.
My 2nd husband loves and adores me, but I had to get right with God before He could lead me into still waters. I assumed God wanted my first marriage to last. I stayed for 22 lonely years before connecting with God to be led into a healthy future. I was following what I thought God wanted me to do without spending time seeking His will for my life, and there was no fruit. John 15:5
I had to make many excruciating changes, letting go of my life to get away from what was killing me and start anew.
Almost ten years later, God is turning everything around in His perfect timing.
I am adored finally after allowing God to order my steps. My sweet husband knew my heartache and made sure to show up for me. I love you @chainbucket
For updates on my upcoming book Spoiled, Rotten, Rich, Kid: A Different Kind of Trauma and to see my other books, please stay in touch at https://charlottessoul.com/
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