My abusive system would lead as many others as possible to think negatively about me, and now my second husband, whom they projected their wickedness onto.
Such obstacles and walls built by those designed to love and support me meant I could never gain stability. I had no idea I was abused. I thought my experience was normal.
I could never find my stride on the path to success because they tore me down at every high point, so I didn't think too highly of myself.
I felt ill-equipped in social settings that required authenticity. I constantly feared losing even the slightest feeling of acceptance from those who acted like they could barely tolerate me. They were convinced something was wrong with me. They didn't know Jesus or kindness and grace, and I was treated as such by many who wanted my light turned off; they didn't have to be seen.
I now understand that I was selected to carry all the negative characteristics of the group. I was a scapegoat. No one else would have the focus on themselves as long as they could hide in the shadow of the chaos that they contributed to in my existence by perpetually criticizing my individuality and slandering me at every possible opportunity.
People who don't want to believe me will realize how real the slander has always been about my life.
I don't have any of the limitations that I suffered from in my previous existence of oppression, like ADHD or learning disabilities, as I was labeled in my youth. I easily learn, with deep focus, and blend into crowds with the world's smartest people.
In my previous life, I suffered debilitating trauma, bonding with people who covertly operate under the selfish, competitive nature of narcissism taking advantage of my trust instead of offering the love and support that I'm surrounded by now.
Apart from the abuse, I have found peace and safety in my central nervous system. I am healing and gaining mental clarity and the ability to articulate the abuse in ways that no one ever quite envisioned.
I eventually could not deny that I was not loved and supported because they were actively attempting to dismantle my second marriage, the first place I ever found safety and support to use my voice.
In 2019, my father and sister et al. tried to break up my marriage, accusing my incredible husband of marrying me for reasons other than love. They convinced our children that the mom and bonus dad who loved them selflessly from day one were phonies; they modeled for them how to reject us and turn away from our God-given light toward their darkness.
I was grossly underestimated, and it is evident now that I can finally self-express and share what I've been through. God uses my story to care for so many abuse victims who feel like it's easier just to endure than go through what is required to get away from the controlling, obsessive nature of narcissistic abuse and live in freedom, where God has been preparing a perfect place for all who follow Him.
In previous environments, I was a hot mess. No one could see beyond the surface and help me get well; they just judged, gossiped, and omitted me. They pointed out that everything I did was wrong, so I would never feel adequate, and they could feel superior. They were my “loved” ones.
I was convinced I was the misfit they made me out to be. They deceived my children into believing their lies. Satan and my father contributed to my pain by repeatedly reminding me, "See, even they don't value you, and you gave everything to them--you are the failure you've always been made out to be."
That’s all over now.
I know better now and can help many others identify the darkness that has been normalized in families that have fostered dysfunction for generations. Refusing to self-reflect and grow into better beings makes them turn on their own to keep secrets.
I've moved on, and you can too! Turn to God, let His love heal you, and move you into the prosperity your heart longs for.
For updates on my upcoming book, The Bible on Narcissistic Abuse, and to see my other titles, please stay in touch at https://charlottessoul.com/
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