My Journey to Emotional Healing

It was the first Christmas after my yearlong cancer treatment, and I learned that my son would be spending the holiday in rehab. My then-husband gathered our children and lied to them, telling them I had sent their brother to rehab. I was too weak to stand up for the truth, to stand up for myself; I was too weary to fight back. Rather, I watched the lie unfold as the pain suffocated me.
The rest of the family would still be going on our planned vacation, but part of me, my heart, my soul, my life would be left in some drug facility as I writhed in agony without any support.

Like any mother whose child ends up in rehab, I mistakenly asked, “What had I possibly done wrong?” How did I have a child on drugs?

“Charlotte, you should see a counselor,” my sister suggested. I humbled myself and went. I found a therapist who was kind and compassionate; she didn’t tell me how I should change or point out my flaws, rather her focus was on teaching me to love and care for myself. Caring for my mental health, felt so selfish and my instinct was to resist the self-care notion. I had just taken an entire year of my life, laying in a bed while I fought stage 3 cancer; how could I possibly justify taking more time to care for me? Shouldn’t I get back to caring for others?
I can see now, how the therapist’s approach was critical to the improvement of my whole life and the lives of those I love. My pain was paralyzing, and yet I was intent on caring for those around me. What good was I to anyone really, without first doing the work and becoming whole?
It was hard to make a pledge to a self-care program, but my counselor convinced me that making a commitment to my emotional wellbeing would have a ripple effect on the lives of my loved ones. The work I did, would permeate wellness as I modeled self-care.
In addition to counseling, I made a commitment to attend AL-ANON regularly, where I learned I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it. The healing journey of letting go and letting God was underway.
I discovered I was codependent and while I arduously took care of others I ignored my own wellbeing. I allowed an abusive lifestyle, rather than insist others treat me with kindness and respect. I believed staying in the marriage and sacrificing my comfort for the sake of the family was right, but I was wrong. I modeled for my children that it’s ok to allow others to mistreat you and how to fake a happy life for the sake of others, while you slowly die inside.
I misunderstood what the Lord was calling me to do. I thought I was right by turning the other cheek, submitting and loving my enemy, but what I was doing was remaining in an abusive marriage rather than step out in faith and care for God’s Holy vessel. In other words, I lived a lie, thinking if I worked myself to death and pretended, then everything would be close to what everyone wanted, and perhaps that was simply as good as it gets.
Through counseling, I learned how to have personal boundaries. When my therapist instilled in me the need to acknowledge how things feel, I was reluctant. What if I felt too much and couldn’t bear the pain? Desperate for air, I succumbed to the healing technique, and I began to implement the tools I that I was learning. I discovered that feeling pain would not kill me, in fact feeling the ache was part of the process to get me into emotional safety.
The deeper I got into recovery, the clearer I could see, the stronger I became, and the closer I moved to God’s call in my life. No one could tell me I needed to move on (except my ever-influential sister), I had to discover it on my own. I had to go hand and hand, faithfully with God, and I did.
It was courageous to move on, especially for someone who lived with a steady flow of personal criticism for so many years. I stepped into the vast unknown, however. I wasn’t even sure that I could handle life outside of my micromanaged environment steeped in denial. Furthermore, people looked up to me, how could I be the effective Christian leader that God called me to be if I didn’t stay and lay down my life for my family? Also, there is a protocol in many churches that disqualifies even the greatest authorities from leadership if you don’t maintain the Chrisitan facade. If I kept my truth a secret, people could see what they wanted, and I could continue in the leadership roles where God had placed me. However, I began to see I was living a lie, and I was limiting God’s greatness. I refuse to bury the gift of transparency, no matter the cost, so I faced the rejection of those I loved as I stood in my truth.

How is your environment?

Can you relate to taking desperate measures to escape pain? Are you willing to get help like I did and begin the path of healing? It requires humility, commitment, and faith.
If you would like to connect for a FREE 30-minute coaching session to see if some of what I have learned along the way could help you reach the vision that God hid inside you, please reach out through my website. If you have an event where you’d like me to speak or coach, I have information on my website and would love to hear from you or your event coordinator.
In the meantime ask yourself: How am I doing Spiritually-Emotionally-Environmentally-Physically? I have a free downloadable journal to help with these ideas at charlottessoul.com.
Please leave me a comment, I love to hear from you.