Last year was my first Mother’s Day to digest the reality that my investment into motherhood didn’t turn out how I had imagined, and the relationships I envisioned cherishing for always would never be the same.
This year, I am grateful for so many changes that have allowed me to discover my worth no matter what anyone but God thinks.
Last year I remember the shame I felt showing up at church on Mother’s Day without children. I felt like if I’d been a good mother, my children would love celebrating me. In recovery, I don’t have to be celebrated because I am confident I was a good (not perfect) mother, even if I’m the only one who realizes it 💕.
Last year, I remember a self-inflicted invisible scarlet letter that said, “failure” at the only thing I had ever invested in, but his year, after significant life changes and effective mental healthcare, I realized it wasn’t that I was as bad as the accuser shamed me into believing.
There are a lot of things at play, including abusive forces that no longer have a hold on me and are out to make me suffer by leading my children to beleive lies and not recognize the value of having a mother’s love.
I’ve cried a river of tears, overcome shame, let go of hopes and dreams, and moved on. I am delighted on Sunday to attend church this year with people who value me and not worry about the ones who don’t. What a difference a year makes.
I’m so grateful for the work I’ve done and the time and energy I’ve invested in my trauma recovery and mental healthcare. I have followed God to the unknown, where He has been illustrating what happens when we follow Him.
Don’t let Mother’s Day ruin your stride because of confusing or painful realities. Celebrating what ‘was’ is okay as we accept what ‘is.’ We can accept both with gratitude for the opportunity and God’s perfect provision.
“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake, I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish so that I may gain Christ.” Philippians 3:8
For updates on my upcoming book, The Bible on Narcissistic Abuse, and to see my other titles, please stay in touch at https://charlottessoul.com/
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