When I was a young mother of 3 boys,
whom I had in my 20’s, within 3 ½ years, while my husband traveled extensively- I was nursing a nervous breakdown. I was a fulltime mother who felt compelled to get everything perfect.
At one point my then-husband suggested I get a nanny. I was so offended, how could anyone think a stay-at-home mom could use a nanny?
As I mentioned, I was nursing a nervous breakdown, but still, my pride, my lack of discernment and unwillingness to care for myself proved to be of great detriment.
My goal seemingly was to get everything perfect, by myself. I was more concerned about how my need for help would appear, rather than seeking resources that were available and offered. Getting help felt like a fail, when in fact it is always a tool for greater success. Sadly my pride kept me modeling for my children, “It’s ok to run yourself into the ground, as opposed to seeking help and living a life where you are human instead of wearing yourself down trying to appear super-human.”
Now that many of my children are in their 20’s I can see some of the same pride I exhibited in my 20’s keeping them from being their best selves. All eight of Bryan’s and my children, by the very fact, that they have faced their parent’s divorce and remarriage and sadly everyone’s inability to co-parent as a team, on top of all the pressures of growing up, is reason enough to accept the recourses being offered.
I am so grateful for the wisdom of my Bible study leader offered when I was too naïve to see what I needed, and I wouldn’t take anyone else’s advice. She pointed out that even Sarah and the poorest in the Bible had help. She helped me realize God doesn’t expect us to do it alone. Somehow that was what I needed to comprehend that I wasn’t a failure because I couldn’t do it all entirely by myself. I eventually accepted my then-husband’s offer for a nanny and I had a chance to find myself again.
Years later after, in my 40’s, I was recovering from cancer and trying to reestablish myself as a mother, in a home of teenage boys, who had been un-mothered for a year. I was also navigating a very painful marriage. My sister suggested I see a counselor. I can still remember the offense I took at the suggestion that I didn’t have everything flowing gracefully by myself. By the grace of God, I took her advice and began what would become an incredible journey of self-care and healing and now modeling for others how astonishing recovery can be when the time is taken for self-care.
How about you? Do you suffer from, “I don’t care how hard it is, I will not sink to the level of not being able to do this alone?” Perhaps you feel that way about a higher power or God, you refuse to believe there is something greater, more powerful and better equip to manage your life than you.
Sadly we have a child who is choosing to live in the woods and be evicted from neighborhood to neighborhood, rather than seek help or accept what is being offered. While this is extreme, I can see myself in similar scenarios because my pride and refusal to take advice kept me intent to suffer the consequences as opposed to accepting input from others and considering direction.
I hope Charlotte’s Soul is a source of self-care for you and that you take advantage of what has been offered to you in books, my SEEP journal, coaching and Speaking Engagements.
You can reach me on my contact page to set up a 30 minute Coaching Session for FREE!
May you have a blessed holiday.
Please take care of you, it will indirectly serve all those around you.