Being Prepared Emotionally for The Unexpected -

Imagine someone crashes into your car while you are at a stop light.

Worse yet, you hadn’t taken the time to put on your seatbelt. What could have been a fender bender becomes that, plus bruises, cuts, and broken ribs? All because you didn’t prepare for the unexpected.
What about having your life in a steady state of chaos when you get the news that your child has cancer? Taking simple steps can prepare you for life’s unexpected events. It will not prevent things from happening, but can certainly equip us to overcome the unexpected.

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In my meditation class we were presented with an example of breaking pain into pieces.Many of you know what it means to experience emotional paralysis.
Paralyze as defined by is: “to bring to a condition of helpless stoppage, inactivity, or inability to act:”
Over the past few years, I have encountered painful truths that I never envisioned I’d face in my prayer-infused, faith-based bubble. Traumatized, describes my soul when I came face to face with the unfathomable duplicity that existed in my home.
Throughout my emotional recovery, I have gained incredible tools. I trust I can offer fresh ideas for your journey as well.

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Denial is a Liar!

When the facts deviate from our paradigm, denial is the coping mechanism that serves to provide a false sense of protection.

What was, in my previous marriage, and what I hoped was there, were two vastly different things.

I experienced an internal conflict between what I knew to be true and what I was led to believe. My insecurities took precedence as I allowed my intuition to widdle away. Rather than facing the facts and risking the inevitable pain, denial kicked in and the problems continued to mount around me until life was unbearable.
When the facts deviate from our paradigm, denial is the coping mechanism that serves to provide a false sense of protection.

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wellnessIt was the first Christmas after my yearlong cancer treatment, and I learned that my son would be spending the holiday in rehab. My then-husband gathered our children and lied to them, telling them I had sent their brother to rehab. I was too weak to stand up for the truth, to stand up for myself; I was too weary to fight back. Rather, I watched the lie unfold as the pain suffocated me.
The rest of the family would still be going on our planned vacation, but part of me, my heart, my soul, my life would be left in some drug facility as I writhed in agony without any support.

Like any mother whose child ends up in rehab, I mistakenly asked, “What had I possibly done wrong?” How did I have a child on drugs?

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When you suffer betrayal, you begin to develop callouses that barricade the tenderness of your soul.

The reason I trust God with everything I’ve got is that He has exhibited Himself to me, through the firestorms of my life. It’s not that He rescued me from them when He most certainly could have, but rather He joined me in them and proved to me He is enough in every circumstance. As the old hymn says “How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er,”
-Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus.
My faith wasn’t always that solid. In the early days of my walk with God, I was angry. God had saved my soul from Hell but did not fix my devastating marriage. To the best of my human ability, I did all I felt He was asking me to do as a Christian wife and for years I begged and pleaded for Him to change our marriage.

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Arrested Emotions

Arrested emotions
When you love an addict or someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, your God-given emotions are taken captive. Not only does addiction invalidate your truth, but it deceives others to turn against you too.
Codependents remain hopeful that things will change. Meanwhile, our emotions become steadily numb. Better not to feel anything at all, then to live with the doubt that our feelings are unsubstantiated.

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Charlotte Chaney welcomes you to Charlotte's Soul.Formerly Charlotte’s Heart, Charlotte’s Soul was birthed from a great deal of spiritual kneading, the death of a dream and the progression of vision.

Through excruciating emotional trials, I have moved beyond my broken heart and discovered the steadfast strength flowing from my soul.

I have begun recovery from trauma as I explore a version of myself that is free of the worlds ‘musts’ and closer to God’s design.

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Grace vs. Enabling

GraceThere is a fine line between giving someone grace for their raging bad mood vs. enabling someone.  Do you let it go or do you call out their behavior making them feel the pain for their decisions?
With addiction in my home, I found my way to Al-Anon Family Groups. I learned that I can love someone who is not seeking treatment for whatever is ruling their live. I also learned that I can detach from the dysfunction so it does not dominate my life or others in my care.

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*News Update: (10-11-16) Great news! Charlotte got her last CT scan last September and it came back all clear. No Cancer!!! She doesn’t have to go back for the foreseeable future!

Do you have something you are scared to face?

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Back from Hiatus…Game On!

Back from Hiatus…Game On!

Back from Hiatus...Game On!
It’s been so long since I’ve blogged, my creativity has been paralyzed by life experiences.  I have come to discover that what I thought was reality, was not. I am now painfully at the finish line of a 23-year marriage, that I gave my all to, and the starting line of more than I could ask or imagine.
Both realities carry equal emotional weight.
I resisted leaving the toxicity of my marriage for years, for many reasons. Besides the longing to give my boys the intact family I wish I had, the church certainly played a role and I cringed at the thought of doing what God hates. Every good Christian knows “For I hate divorce!” says the LORD, the God of Israel.” Malachi 2:16 

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