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Desperate Desire to Heal

I had a desperate desire to heal and leave it all behind me. ~ Charlotte Chaney https://charlottessoul.com/Triggers of Pain, Human Response and God’s Grace, Mercy and Promises

I suffered emotional abuse for nearly 28 years.
It is hard for me to fathom today. I am sharing a journal entry written after I fled the toxic environment. I cried out to God for healing and forgiveness of my soul. I see now, less than two years later, how His provision surpassed anything I could have imagined.
The torment associated with loss and rejection was unbearable. I had a desperate desire to heal and leave it all behind me. I look back from a new place, where those feelings and reactions to triggers are a distant memory. I stand in awe of God and what He has done in spite of me. I praise God from my core and believe he keeps His promises.

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I had to put one foot in front of the other and be thankful for what I had, regardless of my trials.Can you imagine walking through a supernaturally separated river, revealing a path of dry land?

After the trauma of severe plagues, the nation of Israel was on a massive relocation to somewhere completely unknown. Talk about trauma! When forty years of exile ended, it was time to enter the Promised Land, passing by the Red Sea.
You can imagine people experiencing spiritual, emotional, environmental, and physical triggers. Doubt, fear, fatigue and facts set into their minds and separated them from what they knew to be true about God.
Don’t we all fall victim to the same unbalance in our faith journey?

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While moving out of toxicity brings life-giving relief from deep aches, it also brings new agony.

You must be prepared to endure this new pain.

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I blindly began to trust someone other than myself. I traded my instincts to walk a tightrope. I became determined to keep that, for which I was selling my soul.

Why do seemingly intelligent, capable people choose to stay with those who destroy their soul?

Leaving someone who hurts you seems like the obvious thing to do.
Below is a reflection. In May of 2015, I stopped to observe what I believed about myself. I began processing the decisions I had made that impacted my family and me. I see clearly now that I was more committed to the abuse than to the care of my soul. I hope by sharing my truth, others will gain clarity for the decisions they are making. In addition, impact the choices on their family and future generations.

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I allowed my husband's authority, his lack of respect for my uniqueness and my longing to be accepted to damage the foundation of who I was designed to be. - Charlotte Chaney #https://charlottessoul.com/Emotional abuse has many facets. Passive aggression is a primary weapon.

When someone knows in their gut that something is wrong, yet they are made to feel foolish when questioning the situation, they are likely facing passive aggression.
Two Signs of Passive Aggression

  1. If someone in your life does not validate your feelings, that is wrong! Feelings are not facts – but feelings are valid.
  2. Often one partner will begin to ostracize another from family and friends. Long term this slowly damages long-term relationships.
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Many of us step from our insecurities into a “safe” environment with someone whom we hope will satisfy our deep longings.
We feel we have finally found the person who will be the cure-all for our hidden wounds.
We find ourselves empowering someone who loves power.
We lose ourselves in the illusion of their strength and the pretense of their care.
We are much stronger than we know, and they are far more insecure than we realize.

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Whatever the future held, I was going to be free! #https://charlottessoul.com/ #CharlottesSoulThe day I signed a one-year lease to rent a condo,

after 22 years of fighting for my marriage, marked the first step I took towards actively caring for my emotions. It is astounding now, to look back, I realize how beaten down I was. I can’t imagine the courage and the faith I had, to step into an unknown future. All I knew was I could not take another lap around the cycle of emotional abuse and whatever the future held I was going to be free. As much as it would hurt to divide our family of six, staying and continuing the lie, was not just killing me, but it meant modeling abusive behavior. I was paving the road for future generations. I wanted more for my daughter in laws. I made a move for them as much as for myself.
Two years later, I assess where I am, the quality of my life and the breadth of my witness. I remarried a man of God who treasures me, models for my children how to love and care for a woman while being every bit of a strong, decisive leader. God planted me in a new town, where I have a vibrant social life, an incredible church, new family, and friends surround me.

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The Ants Go Marching In

My departure would mean the end of a dream. Today I am going to share a glimpse of how my life was, as I struggled to decide whether to leave the emotional abuse in my former home.

My departure would mean the end of a dream.

It would mean the disintegration of my intact family, which I had poured my heart into for 22 years. I faced the uncertainty of not knowing if by leaving, I was stepping out of God’s will. I knew divorce would lead to the inevitable demotion from any church leadership with which I was involved.

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Beaten with Flowers

Sometimes, recognizing the passive-aggressive manipulation, can take a life time.

This week I have decided to share a journal entry written the summer after I first moved out of my marital home. That summer, before I met my new husband, was a time when I regularly processed many things through the gift God gave me in writing. What I went through is not unique, but my faith and resilience are evident, as they were in “Heartbeats for Cancer.”
I intend to share more of this journey and how it felt to break free from emotional abuse, despite the urging of the church to stay in my toxic marriage. What I experienced is all too common. It is a darkness that needs to be exposed to support other abuse victims and their families, especially in the church. Many people stay under the misunderstanding that it is God’s will to uphold the institution of marriage despite the brutality pointed towards their soul.

13 But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible,
14 for anything that becomes visible is light. Ephesians 5:13

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Being Prepared Emotionally for The Unexpected - https://charlottessoul.com/

Imagine someone crashes into your car while you are at a stop light.

Worse yet, you hadn’t taken the time to put on your seatbelt. What could have been a fender bender becomes that, plus bruises, cuts, and broken ribs? All because you didn’t prepare for the unexpected.
What about having your life in a steady state of chaos when you get the news that your child has cancer? Taking simple steps can prepare you for life’s unexpected events. It will not prevent things from happening, but can certainly equip us to overcome the unexpected.

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