Charlotte Chaney 
Bryan and I were reflecting on how hard it was when we realized we were going to have to get a divorce from our abusive first marriages. We were both previously married for 22 years. When we met, I was separated, and he was divorced. Our first marriages mirrored each other. We each stayed in … Read more
Pretend relationships are required to maintain a dysfunctional façade. I was too naive or trusting to realize I was the only one in all my relationships before now who cared enough to make changes. I learned, through unimaginable heartache, that I was making myself into someone people would like. I was looking for love from … Read more
A unique aspect of recovering from a life of traumatic abuse and neglect has been learning to connect with people with whom I previously remained isolated. My insecurities kept me out of the smart circles where I am now comfortably seated. After over fifty years, I have developed the mental clarity that was stolen from … Read more
I used to love the holidays, the decorating, the distraction from my own painful day-to-day living a lie as I hid my very lonely reality as an abuse victim. During the holidays, it seemed everyone was in great spirits. The holidays were among the few times I could hold onto, reinforcing the illusions required by … Read more
The holidays can amplify pain when we’re not spending them with people we hoped to be with. Everyone experiences it at some point, but some of us are accepting new realities from painful but necessary boundaries with people who can’t carry the tenderness of our souls in love. I want to encourage you not to … Read more
Understanding that my abuse was not my fault took a lot longer than anyone might imagine. Logically, we all know abuse is not the victim’s fault, but the devil is the author of narcissism and uses lies and people who are willing to tell them, to destroy innocence. Abuse victims are not in touch with … Read more
One of the ways my wealthy background used money to control me included making me believe people were only interested in my presence because of the money that I was born into. It was clear, at least in my father’s eyes, that I was of no value without my inheritance. He reminded me of my … Read more
My whole life, I’ve been writing my story, a book that has helped me understand my reality in a life of illusions. Imagine growing up in a scary funhouse where everyone else seems fine or having fun, but you never feel safe or cared for. People act like they love you, but their behavior includes … Read more
One of the greatest tools I am using on my road to recovery from the traumatic effects that I have endured by thinking I was loved by people who were, in fact, bullying, neglecting, and trying to snuff out my light, is the Bible. I am once again participating in one of my favorite Bible … Read more
Leaving a narcissist is devastating at first, here’s some support to help you get started. The depth of secrets in narcissistic systems is so deep and controlled that support systems are not available when the inevitable exit raises its ugly head. No one believes the victim, only the reputation told by their abuser that they … Read more